Ah, the European Innovation Council and SMEs Executive Agency (Eismea). Just when we thought things couldn’t get any more exciting (read: Eismea: when better becomes worse | Generation 2004 [1]), we’re hit with yet another plot twist: the publishing of a new position that has everyone scratching their heads. It’s like that moment in a movie where the villain turns out to be…the hero’s pet hamster all along. You didn’t see it coming, and yet here we are. But this isn’t just any position. No, no. This is a secondment to the United States, to San Francisco of all places! Because clearly, when staff trust is low, the world is on the brink of political chaos, staff cuts are looming, and a new EU Commission is on the horizon, it’s the perfect time to send someone across the Atlantic! Right?
So let’s take a moment to break it down.
- The Town Hall Elephant
In early September, a town hall meeting [2] was organised in Eismea. One where management talked about making Eismea great again, with a very large recovery plan after the disastrous 2023 staff survey results [3] for trust (a drop of 23 percentage points, see page 16: Collaboration & Communication), and of course, reductions in staff (‘full-time equivalents (FTEs)’). Strangely, the elephant in the room [4], noone mentioned this shiny new position. Why, you ask? Good question! But apparently, this secondment, this sending of a post to the other side of the world, doesn’t count as a “cut” in staff numbers because… reasons? It’s like magic: now you see the FTE, now you don’t! It’s there while it’s not there. - Political Timing, or How to Not Read the Room
Let’s send someone to the US… right before an election there that could bring back a certain orange-hued political figure who’s promised to slap tariffs on everything that isn’t a bald eagle. It’s like planning a beach holiday during a hurricane. Bold. Very bold. But hey, at least the weather will be nice in San Francisco, and there’s always the chance to hit the beautiful Californian beaches (if you can beat the traffic to get there). - The Mysterious Essential Criteria for the role
Ah, the old disproportionately precise “must haves” such as “must have a permanent (‘indefinite’) contract by November 30, 2024” and “have worked in a Parent DG” criteria. A delightful way of having a pre-identified candidate [5]! Why not just say “by the deadline” like any normal call for interest? Oh, right, because that would be too predictable. Eismea likes to keep us on our toes. After all, why follow the normal rules when you can invent new ones? We’re halfway expecting the next criterion to be: “must be able to juggle while riding a unicycle through the corridors of the European Parliament.” Also, seeing the tasks, why do we specifically need someone who has been involved in developing the New European Innovation Agenda (NEIA [6])? Is the post to help European companies or to limit applications to one individual [7] who’s already been groomed for the role?
You might think that for a position paid entirely by Eismea and limited to temporary agents (TAs) within the agency, the essential criteria would involve, oh, I don’t know… experience at Eismea? But nope, this role requires relevant professional experience in the parent DGs. Because nothing says “forward-thinking” like requiring experience in places where the tasks connected to the seconded post aren’t even being done anymore. It’s like asking for experience in making horse-drawn carriages to drive a Tesla.
- Strategic Planning? Not important
Let’s not forget the strategic timing of this whole thing. With a US election looming and potential global trade wars on the horizon, it’s the perfect moment to send someone to the US to… do what, exactly? Negotiate office space? Secure a stash of Oreos before the tariffs hit? Either way, it’s a questionable masterstroke in long-term planning. (Cue nervous laughter.)
- Helping companies or helping yourself?
Some of the tasks linked to this position promise to be more work than one person can reasonably handle – so Eismea staff are already whispering about the potential workload this post could generate. Because, let’s face it, nothing says “efficiency” like creating a role that may or may not lead to more work for everyone else. We’re picturing Eismea staff with juggling balls in one hand, paperwork in the other, and a look of mild panic on their faces. This can only further degrade morale, morale which is already seen to be on a significant downward slide 2023 staff survey.
In conclusion, the US secondment position has left us with more questions than answers. But that’s Eismea for you—always full of surprises! In the meantime, we’ll be keeping an eye on who the lucky individual is that gets to go on this adventure. Just remember to pack your umbrella, not for the Californian weather, but for the political storm brewing in the background. This position is better than becoming an EU civil servant (‘official’), who said agencies had worse conditions!?
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